little black book....

i have this little black book and in the book are some writings that is personal. I write things i dont want people to read in there cause i always have the book in sight. Two days ago someone picked it up and read it when i was in the toilet. He made the saying "make yourselves at home" literal. So when i came back i saw him reading it and instead of apologizing, he went on and on about what i had done wrong, saying what i had written down was wrong and i should not have done it. So what did i do? the same thing i do when i cant talk to people like that, i swung a punch...

People do this, people invade your privacy and believe that what they are doing is actually justified. Its not wrong to invade someone elses privacy because you feel they're doing something wrong. Wrong! you dont invade someone else's privacy thats just plain wrong. You dont pickup someones diary and go reading it aloud and then have the audacity to preach people about what they're doing wrong.

This is what i think, i think deserved the punch. Hell i think he deserves an ass whooping. So dont do that, dont go around reading people's diary so you can make yourself superior just because you know everyones secret. Whats the point in that? if you wanna be superior, why dont you prove it. With everything you do. just prove it through your actions. Because i know in my heart, im never gonna take advice from someone who went through my diary without permission.... so as a conclusion FUCK YOU!!!! heheh buhbye people.

Live life to the fullest even if im not around...

Dear loved one, beautiful song, sitting by my side....

Happy birthday.. my brother once said that the best birthday gift one person can ever get are words of truth. Words of honor. Words that come from the heart. So this is my gift for you.

4 years with you have flown by like air. No on sees it yet everyone knows its there. No one talks about it unless they really listen to the song that we sing together. No one understands it but feels it should be there. Having you still in my life has been the most weird but greatly appreciated thing about my life. I am still without a doubt not good enough i am still without a doubt the person you have learned to love but never learned to stop hurting you. I am still though the person who thinks you are the person who has the most amazing smile anyone could ever find.

Your birthday is not just your birthday but a day that you are one year closer to the age of marriage. And i shall anticipate and wait and hope and pray that by that time i would have been the perfect guy for you.... someone who loves you amazingly better than i do now because i know i can... i know i can love you better and more amazingly without fear, grace or insecurity.

So, i am not afraid to say, i have loved you so far and i will continue loving you until the day i die.

love... glow-giver,ss,big fat and lovable hehe

My looking glass

There are moments in time when you can feel that something is wrong. Then you know things are right. Everything is either going to go perfectly or go really bad. You somehow have this prior knowledge or feeling. Intuition some might call it. What matters is whether you take those chance to understand, acknowledge it and do something about it. Or you could just sit back and let everything slide. Let everything be what fate meant them to be. Or try to make things better by trying hard. Trying sometimes makes almost everything harder. Trying makes you feel like the world is against you and sometimes the rain comes just because it wants to stop you. But it is also the feelings that we are sure of that sometimes makes us feel as if we are destined for failure or greatness.

in reality, i no not what to write on this particular blog. All i know is that, i need to get something of my chest at 6 o'clock in the morning i just needed to get it of my chest. Im sorry for the way i handle last nights matter... i shouldnt have gone to sleep leaving things unresolved... a moment of irresponsibility... i should have known better. I am sorry... i guess there are times when i have to irresponsible... i am just sorry i chose the time with you to be irresponsible... it was something out of hand i guess.... anyways... missing the practice sucked.. so i hope next time ell be there... toodles...

My e-Lit friends...

Over the course of the few weeks this blog will be dedicated to the second year of e-Lit students from UKM or universiti kebangsaan malaysia. I'll try post up tips and views based on our daily exercises and practices and try to get people (by people i mean everyone reading this) involved in the play. feel free to write comments on anyone and anybody if you are interested.

Now going on to the background of this project. As part of the performance studies course the second years are doing this semester, we are required to create a production of a play. We are now no longer a batch, or e-Lits but rather the e-Lit Company. Now what is the other meaning for company? other than the usual capitalismic definition? someone comes to your home, their known as guests, and the people you go out to have fun with are called company. Everyone knows there are good company and bad company. so That is the measure of our production. I want good company, good friends, having drinks, sitting down and laughing and at the same time take what we are doing seriously. (Hey if you dont like what i write, ITS MY BLOG HEHE) so everyone should try to get to know the person acting/sitting/discussing with/next/at you.

so no the e-Lit company will try to re-produce one of the best contemporary plays by Huzir sulaiman, Atomic Jaya. So you guys if youre reading this.... We Can Do it!!! and we can do it WELL!!!!!!!! read up i'll post some pictures once i get to class and catch people of guard with my camera hahahah.... lets work harder!!!

Reconciliation

Reconciliation of a broken bond is probably one of the hardest things to do in life. There no speciality when it comes to sudden provocation that leads to the breaking of bonds amongst friends, peers and even closer relatives. We all agree one on matter, bonds break sometimes. They just do, they just break down in the middle of something and what seems to be the best thing about people we love and know turns into our deepest and darkest fears. We tend to realise that however we view it, that someone has become and enemy.

Elton john wrote, sorry seems to be the hardest word. Its true, in order for reconciliation to take place, its only fair that someone has to say im sorry, and this however ironic seems to be the hardest thing to do when it comes to someone. The failure to reconcile means the failure to keep a friend, to keep a loved one, to keep an idol, to keep a working partner, and above many other things the lost of yourself to your ego.

Sometimes, its get harder to say sorry depending how someone treats you. If that particular someone is able to comprehend the tenacity of saying he/she was sorry than it would things a lot easier to deal with. However, that is not always the case, the case like always seems to be that, when someone apologizes, the party sees it as a victory, sees it a sense of winning over a person. Its like this competition comparing who has the bigger ego or who has the bigger guts to keep quiet, shut up and give each other the silent treatment. Ive always told myself to always beg for forgiveness when you do something wrong. However, one can only beg for forgiveness so much in life. If it was up to me, i wanna stop telling people that im sorry. I wanna stop caring what they think and how i make them feel. At least now, for one person, i am able to do that. To not care what that person thinks of me, what that person intreprets to be a sequence of events that primarily is at fault because i did it. In Simpler terms, its always my fault.

So this is me, letting go of the past, letting go of the different and uncontrollable ego that everyone has and sometimes let loose. This is me at my worst, This me saying FUCK YOU!!! I DONT GIVE A FUCK!!!! this is my tenacity, my resolve, my blade that will cut you and smite you while this is the statement that wipes you clean of the slate of my pathetic life. The eraser of all things at fault, the deleting of sequences, and the depletion of life and fault. This is me, in my darkest time........

Mr. brightside

Some of you might think that this is kind of out of date but hear me out... I am right now literary dreaming of the song Mr brightside by The killers. The song just happen to have a subtle impact of who i wanna be although some would think i'll never be able to extend myself to that extent but it is a good thing though because then i get to understand and aspire to be like him. I particularly like the line "Jealousy, turning saints into the sea, turning to sick lullabies, and choking on your alibies." for most it might seem insignificant but its true you know. Jealousy makes you do a lot of stupid things, suicide being the most sinful of sins and saints are a definite contradiction to it.

but if anything, i wanna be Mr. Brightside, the person that everyone knows am thinking about the bright side then just dwelling on the past and negative impact. A friend of mine questioned why others can do well and some cant do any better and why some can cope and why some are different. MY friends tell me, there are other things to be taken into consideration when it comes to comparing something with another thing and that is a statement i believe most would have. I understand the idea of different circumstances leading to different outcomes but i also understand that differentiation is what makes people aspire to be better. So i understand both parties on this matter, and off course i wanna take the Mr. Brightside approach. But its not possible. Its not logical, its not even right. You can please everyone as much as you want to. Its not possible. Its not even virtually possible. But most give it a shot. A friend of mine once said, you try and you fail, so what? So i guess ill give it a shot, like he said, to be a man of value.

It is safe to understand that maybe, being a man of value is harder than being a man who has success. Because today, there are very few people who have success but even fewer has value. Most successful people lack the value that makes them a better person, but most people with value might argue that value alone is a success.

I know one thing for sure, one person at least is reading this blog, and i've been thinking about how to make her understand what im trying to say. What message am i trying to point out here. I guess its simply this, im trying to be a better person, and sometimes in order to achieve that we have to stop, look back, and think what we've done in the past, then we have to understand the reality of our existence and accept the fact that sometimes, being a better person is having to backtrack yourself.

A true Mr. Brightside today is a kid age 8 years old. When you tell him that the internet is going to be down for three weeks, he'd say, nevermind, i can always watch tv. The brighter side of things i guess. So i wanna thank you all. for reading this, i hope you get the idea that there is always two sides to everything, a story has two sides, a coin has two sides, yin and yang was created to stabilize both sides. Pick the brightside of things, then maybe, maybe, youll wake every morning smiling instead of reaching for the small red pack on your table and puffing smoke hehe. Daaa...

A letter for those i love....

Someone is probably trying to sleep as im writing this and probably that someone might get a notification saying i have a new blog. Somewhere along the road that took me where i am today. I have made mistakes and i have made a lot of people angry. Ive disappointed a few and i have neglected a few. Im sorry for that. To my friends, be spirited, be energetic, be passionate about everything in life. Even if sometimes you seem to be beaten down, neglected, take a breath and soldier on. Keep moving and keep realising that everyone has their hard times if its any consolation, Im always hoping for the best things in life for you people.

When you get what youve always wanted, be sure to remember the path that led you there so you do not stray afar from the true and main objective of your life. Remember to be humble, forgive and forget if there are mistakes and be sure to keep your head high as well so no one can push you down. Keep your head up when all around you are losing theirs, and try to find solitude amongst the people that care for you. The people that understands you. Someone once told me when youre trying to do something new, everyone is against you and it is hard, but it doesnt make it the wrong thing. I thank this man for his advice. When there is something wrong about something, voice it and suggest a solution, there is no common place other than the problem that keeps revolving around in the same place without a solution.

If you feel at one moment you can no longer trust someone youve trusted for a very long time, be disappointed but do not take the trust away, people make mistakes and somewhere along the way in life they might regain your full trust. Remember the people who've stayed beside you, in bad and good times, keep your emotions in check so you no longer feel like your losing control. Keep control, the best thing about your life is that you control it and no one else. Be sure to be confident, and also be humble, admit defeat but never give up. Accepting defeat is realization that other things are more significant but giving up means you no longer have the courage to move on in your life.

Sun Tzu said keep your enemies closer, but dont keep holding on to them, keep holding on to the friends you have and let go of the enemies. Learn from everyone and yourself, do this, then youre learning from something call life. Work hard to bridge the gaps of ideas and symbols, this way you'll be able to have the people around you with different ideas close when war is about to happen. Do not treat yourself like a soldier ready to die at any moment, but dont treat yourself life a general either coz then youd have to mind and lack the body for war.

Be judgmental when needed, but not too judgmental that you become a food critic. Be close and try to get to know the person next to you on a train. Everyone in the world has a story without anyone wanting to listen. Listen carefully to the insults and cmopliments. Try to remember the compliments and forget the insults, if succeed in doing this, tell me how you did it. Take time to acknowledge the people that worked with you without discriminating the amount of effort they put in it. If they do too little, theyll feel guilt and work harder next time, and if they do enough, theyll feel appreciated and keep the same amount of commitment next time. Give credit when its due and give credit without feeling embarass.

Acknowledge people for their good traits or try to discard their bad traits, when you begin to accept people the way they are, then they will begin to accept you as you are. Shed the tears when you feel like it, but keep it in when you feel it makes people take advantage of you. Love people who love you, and love people who hurt you to make you a better person.

Someone once asked me, "When will you change? Ive been waiting for you to change." This is one person i have disappointed, but i still hold close to my heart because the trust he put in me and how much he expected of me, my apologies for not being able to fulfill your ecpectations. Keeps these people close, its hard to find people who believe in you, and when you find one, try not make the mistake i made, disappointing them.

Believe in truth, honor, and friendship. Never betray any of these three. keep in mind you play a part in where humanity goes in the next few decades, what you do everyday determines that path humanity takes now and tomorrow.

I made a mistake of telling someone, "dont trust anyone," Im sorry, i shouldnt have broken the naive beautiful world that you hold bare in your head and imagination, never make this mistake again people. Remember to put in front what is close to you, because sometimes in our passion to chase something so far, we tend to negelect the closest things to us.

Be careful whose advice you take, but be patient to those who supply it. All advice means more than what its worth. Never make the mistake of taking it for granted.

Remember to write down what you think and feel, and pass it on to everyone, this way, the advice goes to everyone you and your friend know.
forgive and forget anything that is wrong with this personal writing. :)